As the eldest daughter of two parents who immigrated to the United States, my mom as a child and my dad as a young adult, my upbringing was definitely heavily impacted and influenced by my Albanian culture. I was born and raised in the Bronx, and was even lucky enough to grow up living with my grandparents who traveled back and forth from Montenegro to the U.S. for months at a time. As a mom of 3 boys now, I realize how much my Albanian culture has impacted my ways of parenting. Growing up, I definitely struggled to balance between my Albanian self and the American self. Sometimes, my parents don't necessarily agree with my personal "mom style," and other times, I realize how foreign my ways of parenting are to my non-Albanian mom friends. And just to keep things in my parenting style interesting, my husband was born and raised in Montenegro - it's been quite the journey for us to figure out with each other how to parent 3 little boys together. But I know for sure that there's got to be a couple of 1st generation American mom's out there who will totally appreciate and understand this post!
Here's my list of the "normal" and completely "un-strange" ways of parenting that are all too common to a 1st generation, Albanian-American mom like myself:
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| Matthew, David & Adam all in their traditional Albanian clothing |
Here's my list of the "normal" and completely "un-strange" ways of parenting that are all too common to a 1st generation, Albanian-American mom like myself:
1. You'll always protect your kids from "evil eye"
I totally worry about other people (and even myself) giving my kids the "evil eye" and want to prevent it with some of those old, superstitious remedies to protect my little ones. "Evil eye" is a common cultural legend - I've put red "evil eye" bracelets on my kids when we went somewhere with large crowds, and even made a small dot shape behind their ear lobes with eyeliner to make sure any "evil eye" would bounce off of them.
2. You will discipline your children in Albanian instead of English
I definitely want my sons to speak the Albanian language, and I'm fairly certain they know EXACTLY what I am saying to them when they've misbehaved - especially if it's in public because I am speaking to them in the calmest Albanian voice about what their consequences will be.
3. Raki "Moonshine" will be used for everything from first aid to cleaning
My oldest son asks me for "Raki" from the fridge for his mosquito bites in the summer because he knows that will stop the itchiness - when he was a toddler he asked for "the magic raki water" instead of a kiss for his for boo-boo's. (Side note: Raki is a common Albanian alcohol, similar to what we Americans know as "moonshine," but it is made by distilling grapes and a common drink in the Balkan region) I totally admit to using it when the boys have had fevers by soaking their socks in "raki" and then putting them on their feet - I drew the line when advised to use it for teething, though was tempted MANY times. And in our home, the kids know that "raki" is not just for drinking - mommy uses it to clean the glass table, too!
4. Family members come to visit for weeks or months
My boys don't mind giving up or sharing their bed or space with family members because that's just what we do! It isn't strange to have family members staying for weeks at a time with us, and the kids will always know what Albanian hospitality means - in our home it's rude and taboo to ask your family members to stay in a hotel!
5. Speaking perfect English and Albanian
My kids know that I not only expect them to communicate in the English language perfectly, but we hold them to the "fluent" standard for Albanian as well. They respond to the Albanian pronunciation of their names, along with the American version, in equality. And for some reason, they've all understood commands in Albanian first, versus English. Having the boys speak Albanian is something I am definitely still working on as a mom, but these boys already know the deal as they hear mom and dad speaking Albanian all the time at home.
I totally worry about other people (and even myself) giving my kids the "evil eye" and want to prevent it with some of those old, superstitious remedies to protect my little ones. "Evil eye" is a common cultural legend - I've put red "evil eye" bracelets on my kids when we went somewhere with large crowds, and even made a small dot shape behind their ear lobes with eyeliner to make sure any "evil eye" would bounce off of them.
2. You will discipline your children in Albanian instead of English
I definitely want my sons to speak the Albanian language, and I'm fairly certain they know EXACTLY what I am saying to them when they've misbehaved - especially if it's in public because I am speaking to them in the calmest Albanian voice about what their consequences will be.
3. Raki "Moonshine" will be used for everything from first aid to cleaning
My oldest son asks me for "Raki" from the fridge for his mosquito bites in the summer because he knows that will stop the itchiness - when he was a toddler he asked for "the magic raki water" instead of a kiss for his for boo-boo's. (Side note: Raki is a common Albanian alcohol, similar to what we Americans know as "moonshine," but it is made by distilling grapes and a common drink in the Balkan region) I totally admit to using it when the boys have had fevers by soaking their socks in "raki" and then putting them on their feet - I drew the line when advised to use it for teething, though was tempted MANY times. And in our home, the kids know that "raki" is not just for drinking - mommy uses it to clean the glass table, too!
4. Family members come to visit for weeks or months
My boys don't mind giving up or sharing their bed or space with family members because that's just what we do! It isn't strange to have family members staying for weeks at a time with us, and the kids will always know what Albanian hospitality means - in our home it's rude and taboo to ask your family members to stay in a hotel!
5. Speaking perfect English and Albanian
My kids know that I not only expect them to communicate in the English language perfectly, but we hold them to the "fluent" standard for Albanian as well. They respond to the Albanian pronunciation of their names, along with the American version, in equality. And for some reason, they've all understood commands in Albanian first, versus English. Having the boys speak Albanian is something I am definitely still working on as a mom, but these boys already know the deal as they hear mom and dad speaking Albanian all the time at home.
6. Not forcing your kids to hug & kiss every person they meet
I won't push my kids and make them hug and kiss every person they meet just because I had to growing up. I want them to be respectful and acknowledge new people with a simple greeting, and that's enough for me! I can't blame my kids for not wanting to hug someone they've never met before in their lives.
I won't push my kids and make them hug and kiss every person they meet just because I had to growing up. I want them to be respectful and acknowledge new people with a simple greeting, and that's enough for me! I can't blame my kids for not wanting to hug someone they've never met before in their lives.
7. Trusting the Pediatrician and Internet with parenting advice
Contrary to my upbringing, I call our pediatrician frequently to ask for parenting advice when I'm unsure of how to deal with something going on with one of my children, and I will look to the Web and social media to research things like parenting advice, products, etc.
Contrary to my upbringing, I call our pediatrician frequently to ask for parenting advice when I'm unsure of how to deal with something going on with one of my children, and I will look to the Web and social media to research things like parenting advice, products, etc.
8. Cooking petulla, grosh and lakna
One of my kids "first foods" was "grosh" (bean soup) with bread! I guess it will just be normal when my kids admit they love eating cabbage ("lakna"), beans and fried dough ("petulla") - and I know they'll get their non-Albanian friends to try many of these yummy foods too!
One of my kids "first foods" was "grosh" (bean soup) with bread! I guess it will just be normal when my kids admit they love eating cabbage ("lakna"), beans and fried dough ("petulla") - and I know they'll get their non-Albanian friends to try many of these yummy foods too!
9. Having a bazillion cousins
My kids will have a TON of cousins around them, and they'll know who their third cousin and second cousin twice removed is because that's just how it is in this big, fat Albanian family. I actually even have a family tree image made for them that goes back 5 generations on their father's side of the family. At the end of the day, a cousin is family, no matter how close or far.
10. Going to many, many parties
There will be a wedding, baptism, graduation, and shower party probably every other weekend that these boys will attend as they grow up.
11. Sharing mommy's stories of life hardships
I hope to share with my boys, my life stories of hardship just the way my dad shared with me (countless times) about the mountains and valleys he walked barefoot through just to get to school every day. I'm still figuring out my details of the one I plan to reuse with them all.
12. Wearing Albanian traditional clothes
My kids first wore the Albanian traditional clothing that their male ancestors wore when they were just infants - and who knows how many more times they will wear these clothes in their lifetimes.
13. Thinking my kids are always cold
Seriously, I can't help it - I always think my kids may be feeling cold and may get sick because they weren't dressed warm enough. One piece pajamas will be worn until they outgrow the largest 5T size I can find them in. The boys will always have socks on inside if the AC is on (no matter how hot it is outside), and they almost always have hats on when we go outside. Oh, and can't forget the undershirt they always wear - good for soaking up the sweat, and making sure they don't feel cold!
14. Mommy uses social media
I really enjoy posting and sharing about my motherhood journey on social media - like Instagram and Facebook. This is just something the boys will always know about mom, and I hope they'll look back at my posts as a digital scrapbook of what their childhood was like.
15. Pride in both cultures
My boys will be lucky and proud to share both their Albanian and American traditions and culture with the world - just as I am!
Feel free to add to our list, especially if there's one you think we've missed, in the comments below!
I am linking up to the following Linky Parties:
Dare to Share Saturdays
My kids will have a TON of cousins around them, and they'll know who their third cousin and second cousin twice removed is because that's just how it is in this big, fat Albanian family. I actually even have a family tree image made for them that goes back 5 generations on their father's side of the family. At the end of the day, a cousin is family, no matter how close or far.
10. Going to many, many parties
There will be a wedding, baptism, graduation, and shower party probably every other weekend that these boys will attend as they grow up.
11. Sharing mommy's stories of life hardships
I hope to share with my boys, my life stories of hardship just the way my dad shared with me (countless times) about the mountains and valleys he walked barefoot through just to get to school every day. I'm still figuring out my details of the one I plan to reuse with them all.
12. Wearing Albanian traditional clothes
My kids first wore the Albanian traditional clothing that their male ancestors wore when they were just infants - and who knows how many more times they will wear these clothes in their lifetimes.
13. Thinking my kids are always cold
Seriously, I can't help it - I always think my kids may be feeling cold and may get sick because they weren't dressed warm enough. One piece pajamas will be worn until they outgrow the largest 5T size I can find them in. The boys will always have socks on inside if the AC is on (no matter how hot it is outside), and they almost always have hats on when we go outside. Oh, and can't forget the undershirt they always wear - good for soaking up the sweat, and making sure they don't feel cold!
14. Mommy uses social media
I really enjoy posting and sharing about my motherhood journey on social media - like Instagram and Facebook. This is just something the boys will always know about mom, and I hope they'll look back at my posts as a digital scrapbook of what their childhood was like.
15. Pride in both cultures
My boys will be lucky and proud to share both their Albanian and American traditions and culture with the world - just as I am!
Feel free to add to our list, especially if there's one you think we've missed, in the comments below!
I am linking up to the following Linky Parties:
Dare to Share Saturdays
thanks for sharing this post many things that I did not know like the evil eye , I had heard of it but never really thought anything of it YOu have offered a different look on so many things
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